Originally posted on August 27, 2019 @ 6:00 am
I could use some prayer.
In the last 90 days or so, my best friend for 47 years died of cancer and meth addiction, alone in a hospital 200 miles away. He ended badly, as I knew he would, and his life revealed his love of self. But he and I were close friends for decades. We met at church camp when we were 12. More precisely, we met in a gang fight at church camp, an irony that we laughed about forever.
We were on opposing sides, lined up with our belts wrapped around our fists, ready to smash faces and skulls with the heavy buckles.
Fortunately, the dinner bell rang and we all ran to the cafeteria to eat the last meal of the day.
We met again in junior high, where I established myself as his physical superior. But he had spunk. Guts. Skinny as a broom handle with nerves of steel. He and I, along with some other fellows, had epic adventures together doing things that I will eventually share with my own sons, but only after they are grown, married and with children.
Lane Alton McCarty, who jumped the Lotus Lane railroad crossing on a Suzuki GS-1000 motorcycle going 100 miles per hour (that’s 161 kph, Australia 🙂 with Gary Wayne Hill on the back. He did it on a bet for a chicken fried steak, and he was 20.
Nerves of steel.
He got busted a few years later in possession of a fully automatic machine gun when a DEA agent was brought to his house to participate in and witness a deal for one gallon of cocaine.
I saw it on the news the night it happened.
Lane was addicted to crack cocaine at that time, and sold a lot of coke and X. Then he got busted and dropped the drugs.
He was a success in some high-end software development around age 47. He earned $200kUSD one year.
He was not a handsome dude, by any stretch of the imagination. But he was a character, and although he lived in darkness, he was still my beloved friend.
He died alone because he was angry at me. The meth owned him at some point, and when I leaned on him hard about that, he turned away from me for the last two years of his life. As he lay dying in Houston, he was too proud, stubborn and hard-hearted to let me know. I’m sure he was also ashamed at his condition, but pride leads us to death, and pride led him.
Shortly after that, my wife divorced me.
She said that she was just “not into” me, that I was a loser and some other, worse things. She didn’t tell me she wanted a divorce, she just had me served with divorce papers in the parking lot of my workplace one Friday afternoon as I walked to my car.
I looked to the heavens and said “Thank you, God.”
In all the years of my personal devotion to Yahuah, she never picked up the Book to read it. I do not know why she married me, because I was just as devoted when I met her.
She crys now, and tells me that she made a mistake, that she wants us to be together. But I don’t see that happening. For over a decade I prayed for her and our marriage, my guts twisting in sorrow and angst for years over her abuse of me, both emotionally and physically, sometimes quite violently.
And the week I prayed for Yahuah to end our marriage, she filed and set me free.
Last Saturday my sisters, brother and I said goodbye to our beloved mother, who died after 20 years of severe Lupus, multiple strokes, brain surgery, knee replacement, and Alzheimers. She was my only hero, a mother who did many things wrong but burned herself up doing the absolute best she could for her children. She is great in the Kingdom of heaven, and I will see her soon.
The loss of two people so important to me, and the end of my marriage and the dissolution of the family of my three young boys is taking a toll on me. There is an emotional burden on me that I find exceedingly hard to bear. When people ask me how I am holding up, I tell them that it is difficult in ways that are hard to explain. It is a pain that I do not understand, and it is deep, a mystery sorrow than I cannot out maneuver.
So please, I need your prayers. And I need to focus on teaching – science. Yet I cannot muster the drive to begin the march. I am depleted, exhausted, depressed, weary of human life. I just no longer want to participate in this life.
Yet I must.
There is much to do, and little time to do it. The times, time and half a time are beginning soon. The Third Temple will get built, I can feel it surging in time. There is an urgency in Israel, almost frantic, to get it built. The abomination that brings desolation will soon stand in the Holy place within the Temple. That abomination might just be a human/machine hybrid, as that will certainly be an abomination to Yahuah.
The human is almost certainly chosen already. The machine/Artificial Intelligence (AI) integration will wait until it is time for him to setp forward as the false Messiah. The Red Dragon, which is quite possibly Communist China, will roll out its social engineering software world-wide in order to ensnare those who keep the commands of Yahuah and have the testimony of Yahusha.
The AI-controlled false Messiah will do wonderous acts indeed, and the Red Dragon will hunt down we who follow the Word. Many of us will be executed, but none of us will be deceived. Yahuah will dwell within us, and He will speak through us to Kings and rulers regarding the times, the Truth and their destiny with Satan.
Flee if you must. Be prepared to flee. Know where you will go and what you will need to travel and live off of. Be prepared to defend yourselves. If you live in one of the nations where you have already been disarmed and made defenseless, consider America for a long-term visit. Millions of believers here are quite well armed.
You do not have to defend yourself. You might choose to meekly surrender, and there is honor in that. Why put off going home?
My only concern is my children. I will do everything possible to keep them away from the beast.
Eventually this web site and all others like it will disappear from the web. The Chinese government already scans my site, and there is my name, plastered all over the place 🙂 But I intended that. I am honored beyond words to be saved by Yahuah. I will be deeply grateful to be decapitated for following the Way. For sure. For sure.
I urge you to be strong in your faith. Do not fear the future, and do not fear these enemies. There is NOTHING on this earth that has any value other than our love for others. It is the love from YOU that is valuable. In all of humanity, only the love FROM people is valuable. Not gold, possessions, property or power – only love FROM us to others has value.
Love, then. Love the clerk in the grocery store. Love the policeman. Love the teachers, the students, the neighbor. Love every living soul you meet. Show them you love them. Look them in the eyes and talk to them. Laugh. Be close. And at the perfect moment – when they are open and listening to you – tell them that Jesus wants them to follow Him. Then walk away.
Leave those words rattling around in the minds of people you meet. Plant as much seed as you can while there is time to plant. Someone will harvest the crop in due time.
The rise of the wicked will be an incredible time for the faithful. Millions of people will realize that the Bible is true, and they will desperately want answers. This is your time. Shine, dear brothers, beloved sisters.
Shine.
Yet I must.No, Sir, you need not lay constant pressure on yourself. At least not every single time unconditionally.
Please Sir, let us do a video call soon.
Mail me.
Hi Jerry, My heart & prayers go out to you. You are experiencing so many emotions all at once and it is overwhelming. I trained as a Counselor and unresolved grief was behind so many difficulties people were experiencing and this is why I’m sending you the 7 Stages of Grief. You may go through them randomly and repeating some stages more than once. Be kind to yourself you are worth compassion. 7 STAGES OF GRIEF Through the Process and Back to Life “7 Stages of Grief”. Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect. For example, generally, a long period of “depression” (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the… Read more »
Thank you, Gill. You sure are correct regarding the storm of emotions. It has been difficult, and I more or less live in a state of loss, as in I cannot win. Not “win” in a contest sort of way, but that I am always cast in a negative light. Nothing I do matters, and nothing I believe in matters, either. I can tolerate the bias against me, but to deny my God is intolerable. That is something that I will not overlook, as it is also taught to my children. It is easy to corrupt people, and to purposely influence children away from Ani is wickedness of the worst kind. So I face a dilemma: remain here and carry on the best I can, or leave forever and let her collapse in ruin, then pick up the pieces (my children) after. Personally, I want to get the heck out of here and live in peace. But as a father, I want to protect my children and I cannot do that very effectively if I… Read more »
Thank you for your posts. It seems you’ve had many events occurring in your life, all in a short period of time. I’m sorry for the loss of your mother and your friend, hopefully you have some great memories so you can think about them. Concerning your marriage, if it wasn’t working and you were abused, you did the best thing and ended the relationship. Be strong in the Lord, at times he gives us events to make us stronger, he wants us to have endurance. Never give up on hope or faith, our heavenly father is with you and I am sure your subscribers will keep you in prayer (I am lifting you up in prayer).
Thank you, Susan. Yours are good words; Wise. It has indeed been the “Summer of The Hammer”, lol. My oldest friends death, which was more like a death-wish, fulfilled; the ascension of my devoted mother, and the divorce by my wife. Here is the truth, Susan – I had been profoundly unhappy in my relationship with her for over a decade for many reasons that Yahuah fully understands and addresses in Scripture. Her decision to let me go was a blessing to me insofar as she/me is concerned, but I grieve for my three young boys. She and I have a good relationship, and she tells me constantly that she “made a mistake”, and she cries about it. But her confession of error is not coincident with obedience to Yahuah. By that I mean that when we tell Yahuah that we are sorry for some sin, such as counting the Sabbath for nothing, but do nothing to correct that sin, then our apology or confession is meaningless. We must actually “do”, not merely “say”. Make… Read more »