Podcast: Discouraged To The Point Of Death – Yet Again Truth Sets Me Free

Maybe I will get into the particulars of my sorrow soon, but maybe not.  As some of you know, I am a very private person and and tend to keep things to myself.  Yet I publish a lot because there are others like me who need to know that the real hope is in Yahuah and in Him alone.

Yesterday my despair was so pervasive that I wanted to die.  I prayed to my Father to close my book.  I asked Him to remove me from here.  I hurt where no pain originates.  My sorrow drowned me in some kind of hopelessness that cannot be defeated.  It is this kind of sorrow which calls for death; Not to hurt others but simply to end the sorrow and the grieving.

But today is a new day.  My sorrow is conquered and my grieving is vanquished.  I celebrate and am motivated, because my good Father loves me.  As Keith Green once sang, I “answered the call”.

Yahuah puts us into painful situations on purpose.  Sorrow is designed for us.  Grieving is baked right into the cake.  We MUST experience these things in order to grow into the warriors He seeks.

Today, I stand.  My name, “Jerry Davis” does in fact mean “Warrior son of David”.  “Jerry” is from the German ‘Gerald’ which means warrior or spear warrior.  “Davis” is a British figurative idiom or translation of my South Wales ancestors name, which means ‘Son of David’ or ‘Sons of David’.  South Wales was almost entirely Jewish several hundred years ago.  There were synagogues all over the place.  Eventually the British government decided to run the Jews out and they started migrating to America.  My grandfathers came to America from Wales during that time. They were generally named after Hebrew prophets.

This podcast is actually two separate podcasts.  Yesterday I was quite despondent and that recording is first, followed by the recording I made this morning.  The end of yesterdays podcast is around 22:40.

Psalm 118 (Berean Study Bible)

1 Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good;
His loving devotion endures forever.

2 Let Israel  say, “His loving devotion endures forever.”

3 Let the house of Aaron say, “His loving devotion endures forever.”

4 Let those who fear the LORD say, “His loving devotion endures forever.”

5 In my distress I called to the LORD, and He answered and set me free.

6 The LORD is on my side; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

7 The LORD is on my side; He is my helper. Therefore I will look in triumph on those who hate me.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.

9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.

10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.

11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.

12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they were extinguished like burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.

13 I was pushed so hard I was falling, but the LORD helped me.

14 The LORD is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation.

15 Shouts of joy and salvation resound in the tents of the righteous:
“The right hand of the LORD performs with valor!

16  The right hand of the LORD is exalted! The right hand of the LORD performs with valor!”

17 I will not die, but I will live and proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD disciplined me severely, but He has not given me over to death.
19 Open to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD; the righteous shall enter through it.

21 I will give You thanks, for You have answered me, and You have become my salvation.

22 The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone

23 This is from the LORD, and it is marvelous in our eyes

24 This is the day that the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

25 O LORD, save us, we pray. We beseech You, O LORD, cause us to prosper!

26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD From the house of the LORD we bless you.

27 The LORD is God; He has made His light to shine upon us.

Bind the festal sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar.

28 You are my God, and I will give You thanks. You are my God, and I will exalt You.

29 Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His loving devotion endures forever.

Stand in faith and hold on forever.  – Jerry


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12 thoughts on “Podcast: Discouraged To The Point Of Death – Yet Again Truth Sets Me Free”

  1. Hey brother Jerry,
    Prefer to not post this here..but privately, I tell you I am (or was) right there with you…I totally do not want to be here! For many painful reasons, emotionally, spiritually, bad marriage, and now extreme physical pain in hands (both thumbs, which are the workhorse of your hands), scheduled for a hip replacement Jan. 24 and a knee needs to be replaced. I also have metabolic issues and need a nissan fundoplasty which I have been avoiding for years. All of these things, I had been holding fast for healing from Yeshua and trusting..but the healing has not come, at least not yet. So I am right there with you, I have nothing here in this world for me, and I don’t want to be selfish but I find it hard to be a witness when I’m falling apart like this so I ask my Lord, how can I finish my race like this? You are right how things pile up, but I struggle w/depression trying to come on me all the time and have to fight it and days I am too tired to fight. It is comforting scripture that others are in the same boat sort of speak all over and so we all struggle together…I am glad to see you come out of it and hope for me. I eventually turn around also, but it is getting harder and now don’t feel that I am coming to surface 100 percent as in the past. Thank you brother for your honesty in your podcasts and being so genuine. I could use some prayer..Much Love, Johanna

    1. Dear Johanna, thank you for sharing. I do grieve for you and your deteriorating health, and cannot imagine how difficult life and living is for you under the conditions you mention. My mother, who was my example of holiness growing up, lived and eventually her body died under circumstances similar to yours. Your testimony of praise for our Savior is especially potent when viewed through the lens of your physical problems. To maintain faith when it seems He does not hear your plea for health is powerful.

      He hears you, Johanna. Read His promise to those who keep His commands. Then become an ardent scholar on the commands of Yahuah. Every one you can do – do. Skip the Levitical commands. Pursue those commands, Johanna. I am going to do the same. But remember Job – he was called “righteous” by Yahuah Himself, yet lost everything and lay in the dirt to be spit upon by passing children. Your own continued faith might be exactly what the Council of the Fiery Stones is observing. Perhaps you are a key person in these last days.

  2. Shalom Jerry! I was very encouraged by this podcast. This is my first public comment and I plan to do so more. I need more connection with fellow Natsarim. It has been a very lonely journey for years. I’m praying for you and so grateful for all your work that blesses me so much. Praise Yah for your obedience! Shalom, Kathleen

    1. Thank you, Kathleen. It is the fellowship of the Natsarim here that strengthens me, too. And lonely… oh yeah. Thank you for your kind words. I do hesitate to publish some things that I consider important, and this podcast was one I considered carefully. I was hesitant about it, but we are all human beings and we all need to know that we all suffer from similar obstacles. There are few Natsarim, Kathleen. but the love we have for one another is real. If you use protonmail, send me your phone number. I cannot check to see if I already have it, because my phone is downstairs charging and I am hiding in the attic 🙂

  3. Hi Jerry,
    Thanks for the podcast, and I have to Quote Winston Churchill, When he said “Never, never, never, never ever give up!
    Please know I am thinking and praying for you.


    1. Well sir, I certainly did want to give up. It is a common issue with me and I just have to continue to stand, That is my option. Standing. 🙂 You are a blessing to my life, Brendon. I think of you often.

  4. Dieing to self is so very troubling but necessary. I can hear you are hurting. Deeply. I see truth and Yahuah in you which means Satan is attacking you. So, praying for you. I think one thing that could help is be alive in Christ Yeshua meaning repurpose yourself putting one step forward in that light, whatever that is for you to Him through the Son. Let the light shine from you. Live only for Christ. But live even onto suffering because the purpose of life is to suffer. Like Dr. Peterson speaks on. And how Jesus lived. He lived to suffer. Thus, we are to live to suffer. We suffer together. But we suffer.

  5. Brother, I want to know the truth. So much do I want to know this truth that I have begun my effort of “dieing” to myself and “living” solely for Messiah Yeshua and the Lord’s Most High Torah.

    1. The Kingdom of heaven is here, David. Those who have rejected this world, who are aliens here, who are hated by the world and who stand for Truth in the face of open hostility – these are they who live in the Kingdom. It is here, now. I know you work so hard to break free from the bonds of the flesh, but liberty comes not from a fierce battle, but from surrender. We must be willing to lose. We must embrace being considered a fool. We must accept that people we love will hate and mock us. Pray that you will understand the scope of the authority of our Father, David. Not an intellectual understanding, but an understanding by your soul. The Holy Spirit will teach you everything and is indeed now attempting to show you the way. Listen to him. That is the very spirit of Yahuah breathed into you when you accepted Yahusha as your savior. Victory comes not from effort, but through surrender. Give up. Quit. Lay down your arms and become a child in the Kingdom of heaven. Peace will come to you, David. Love will come from you.

      1. Very interesting response. I have to reason through some of those things you stated. I would add that we have lost, that is the suffering. We have both experienced deep severe loss. And we walk with Christ all the more deeply because of that loss and understand the Way all the more intimately. Thus, I have much to learn.

        1. Its here. The Kingdom of Heaven is ours here on earth. It is a spiritual kingdom without a castle 🙂 The presence of it can be discerned through the Holy Spirit of Yahuah, which dwells within all who receive it. I know my fellow brothers by the same spirit, just as I knew you this morning. We and others like us constitute the Kingdom of Heaven. We do dwell in it and we worship together, struggle together, win and lose together. Remember that losing, when done in service to Truth, is proper. Not losing to evil, but giving up of self, of pride, of dominion. In the Kingdom of heaven such things are a hindrance and sin.

          You can feel the energy of it. There are many of us. I love you, bro.

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