Podcast: Discouraged To The Point Of Death – Yet Again Truth Sets Me Free

Maybe I will get into the particulars of my sorrow soon, but maybe not.  As some of you know, I am a very private person and and tend to keep things to myself.  Yet I publish a lot because there are others like me who need to know that the real hope is in Yahuah and in Him alone.

Yesterday my despair was so pervasive that I wanted to die.  I prayed to my Father to close my book.  I asked Him to remove me from here.  I hurt where no pain originates.  My sorrow drowned me in some kind of hopelessness that cannot be defeated.  It is this kind of sorrow which calls for death; Not to hurt others but simply to end the sorrow and the grieving.

But today is a new day.  My sorrow is conquered and my grieving is vanquished.  I celebrate and am motivated, because my good Father loves me.  As Keith Green once sang, I “answered the call”.

Yahuah puts us into painful situations on purpose.  Sorrow is designed for us.  Grieving is baked right into the cake.  We MUST experience these things in order to grow into the warriors He seeks.

Today, I stand.  My name, “Jerry Davis” does in fact mean “Warrior son of David”.  “Jerry” is from the German ‘Gerald’ which means warrior or spear warrior.  “Davis” is a British figurative idiom or translation of my South Wales ancestors name, which means ‘Son of David’ or ‘Sons of David’.  South Wales was almost entirely Jewish several hundred years ago.  There were synagogues all over the place.  Eventually the British government decided to run the Jews out and they started migrating to America.  My grandfathers came to America from Wales during that time. They were generally named after Hebrew prophets.

This podcast is actually two separate podcasts.  Yesterday I was quite despondent and that recording is first, followed by the recording I made this morning.  The end of yesterdays podcast is around 22:40.

Psalm 118 (Berean Study Bible)

1 Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good;
His loving devotion endures forever.

2 Let Israel  say, “His loving devotion endures forever.”

3 Let the house of Aaron say, “His loving devotion endures forever.”

4 Let those who fear the LORD say, “His loving devotion endures forever.”

5 In my distress I called to the LORD, and He answered and set me free.

6 The LORD is on my side; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

7 The LORD is on my side; He is my helper. Therefore I will look in triumph on those who hate me.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.

9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.

10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.

11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.

12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they were extinguished like burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.

13 I was pushed so hard I was falling, but the LORD helped me.

14 The LORD is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation.

15 Shouts of joy and salvation resound in the tents of the righteous:
“The right hand of the LORD performs with valor!

16  The right hand of the LORD is exalted! The right hand of the LORD performs with valor!”

17 I will not die, but I will live and proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD disciplined me severely, but He has not given me over to death.
19 Open to me the gates of righteousness, that I may enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD; the righteous shall enter through it.

21 I will give You thanks, for You have answered me, and You have become my salvation.

22 The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone

23 This is from the LORD, and it is marvelous in our eyes

24 This is the day that the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

25 O LORD, save us, we pray. We beseech You, O LORD, cause us to prosper!

26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD From the house of the LORD we bless you.

27 The LORD is God; He has made His light to shine upon us.

Bind the festal sacrifice with cords to the horns of the altar.

28 You are my God, and I will give You thanks. You are my God, and I will exalt You.

29 Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His loving devotion endures forever.

Stand in faith and hold on forever.  – Jerry

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Johanna Jordan Orloff
Johanna Jordan Orloff
2 years ago

Hey brother Jerry, Prefer to not post this here..but privately, I tell you I am (or was) right there with you…I totally do not want to be here! For many painful reasons, emotionally, spiritually, bad marriage, and now extreme physical pain in hands (both thumbs, which are the workhorse of your hands), scheduled for a hip replacement Jan. 24 and a knee needs to be replaced. I also have metabolic issues and need a nissan fundoplasty which I have been avoiding for years. All of these things, I had been holding fast for healing from Yeshua and trusting..but the healing has not come, at least not yet. So I am right there with you, I have nothing here in this world for me, and I don’t want to be selfish but I find it hard to be a witness when I’m falling apart like this so I ask my Lord, how can I finish my race like this? You are right how things pile up, but I struggle w/depression trying to come on me all… Read more »

2 years ago

Shalom Jerry! I was very encouraged by this podcast. This is my first public comment and I plan to do so more. I need more connection with fellow Natsarim. It has been a very lonely journey for years. I’m praying for you and so grateful for all your work that blesses me so much. Praise Yah for your obedience! Shalom, Kathleen

Brendon Naylor Australia
Brendon Naylor Australia
2 years ago

Hi Jerry,
Thanks for the podcast, and I have to Quote Winston Churchill, When he said “Never, never, never, never ever give up!
Please know I am thinking and praying for you.


David Knollhoff
David Knollhoff
2 years ago

Dieing to self is so very troubling but necessary. I can hear you are hurting. Deeply. I see truth and Yahuah in you which means Satan is attacking you. So, praying for you. I think one thing that could help is be alive in Christ Yeshua meaning repurpose yourself putting one step forward in that light, whatever that is for you to Him through the Son. Let the light shine from you. Live only for Christ. But live even onto suffering because the purpose of life is to suffer. Like Dr. Peterson speaks on. And how Jesus lived. He lived to suffer. Thus, we are to live to suffer. We suffer together. But we suffer.

David Knollhoff
David Knollhoff
2 years ago

Brother, I want to know the truth. So much do I want to know this truth that I have begun my effort of “dieing” to myself and “living” solely for Messiah Yeshua and the Lord’s Most High Torah.

David Knollhoff
David Knollhoff
2 years ago
Reply to  Jerry

Very interesting response. I have to reason through some of those things you stated. I would add that we have lost, that is the suffering. We have both experienced deep severe loss. And we walk with Christ all the more deeply because of that loss and understand the Way all the more intimately. Thus, I have much to learn.

David Knollhoff
David Knollhoff
2 years ago
Reply to  Jerry

First question. What do mean by the statement, “the Kingdom of heaven is here”?

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