Originally posted on May 9, 2019 @ 11:44 am
I have not posted much lately, mostly because my life has been rapidly evolving and I lacked the focus to share any meaningful information. In the last 90 days, my wife divorced me, my oldest and dearest friend died without bothering to even let me know he was sick, and I walked out of my Christian church convinced that there is no good going to come from my fellowship with the members there.
The Divorce
I have been in a serious bind maritally for many years. Although I loved my wife, there were several important issues that had made life together extremely difficult for many years. I prayed for YEARS for Yahuah to resolve them, and finally, this year, I began to pray that He would provide a definitive conclusion to our problems.
He did.
While driving my car one evening, I noticed that a car was following me through traffic on a congested Interstate highway. That car followed me everywhere I went, and, phoning my wife, I mentioned that to her. She had taken the kids out of town that day and I wanted to make sure that they all got to her destination safely. When I mentioned the pursuit vehicle, she replied “He’s probably trying to serve you divorce papers. I filed for divorce today.”
My children heard that, too, as they were in the van with her.
After we concluded the call, I simply raised my face to heaven and said “Thank You God.”
The divorce was stressful. I could not afford a good attorney, and rather than trot in some low-end pro bono lawyer, I represented myself. In the end, things went very well. Her attorney commented to me that this divorce was the most calm, easy and remarkably smooth divorce she had ever been a part of.
It was smooth, for sure, although the judge didn’t listen very well.
My prayer was that Yahuah would let me be satisfied with whatever outcome came from it. My goal was to end this thing in a state of graceful gratitude, believing that His Will was done and that He loves me.
It was so.
My former wife and I still talk, nearly every day. She calls and invites me to do things, and she cooks for me sometimes. Ours is a respectful relationship and I must say that life is good. Last Sunday she texted and asked me if I wanted to take a drive that day. Sounded good to me, and we went on a long one to a popular small town and walked around, shopping and eating. It was a wonderful time. A couple of days later (two days ago) she called me and invited me over for steaks and Monopoly. Hard to say no to that, and again, a blessed time.
Interestingly, I have zero interest in “finding another woman”. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m proud of her composure and behavior.
My Son Is Assaulted At School
Yesterday, I had to go visit with the police at my oldest son’s middle school. He is 13 years old, and a genuine prince; a truly beautiful child. A gang of bigger boys beat him up, and I was furious. My former wife went with me, and she presented details to the police that I was unaware of. When were concluded the meeting, I left feeling that justice just might be served. The main antagonist is a boy that has spent the night at my house, eaten my food and was invited to do things with my sons and I. He violently attacked my son, who is smaller than everyone on that gang of seven. A second attacker also jumped on my son and grabbed him by the throat to choke him, all in the hallway of their school.
There were several witnesses, and my son was attacked from behind by a boy already on probation for breaking into a church building and vandalizing it.
Luke was injured, and we took him out of school for the remainder of this school year, which ends in about nine more school days. He will be fine when his knees heal. The investigation is not complete but I expect to file assault charges against both.
Death of My Friend
My friends name was Lane Alton McCarty. He and I met at church camp when we were 13 years old. In fact, we met in a GANG FIGHT at church camp 🙂 He was on the opposing side.
Over the years, we participated together in much sin. Yes, it was fun and exciting. We drank together, smoked pot together, told stories about various girls to each other, learned to drive the same summer and became local legends. Lane was more wild than I was, but I took far greater risks. A problem he had was his fondness for drugs. I was never into anything like that, other than pot and beer. Lane like pills and powders, and was once busted with a one gallon bag of cocaine. He was busted for possessing a machine gun, too.
But he straightened his life out quite a bit, although never an a biblical sense. He was able to get some good jobs and make good money. One year I know he cleared $186k, because I worked with him in that software company. We both did well. I designed a super-computer to replace a clients CRAY 1, and founded a biometrics company that was eventually traded publicly in NASDAQ.
But as Lane grew older, he started sliding back into his old ways. He kicked his wife and kids out of home and started using meth with some of the slimiest people imaginable. The last time I talked to him, which was two years ago, I gave him some tough love regarding his drug use. That made him very angry with me, and he never spoke to me again.
He died a shriveled up skeleton of a man, alone in a hospital in Houston, TX. He was 61 years old.
Was he saved? I think not, because I think he would have reached out to me if he had accepted Yahusha (Jesus to him) as his savior.
But maybe, I hope, he called on the one he would refer to as “Jesus” as he lay in that bed dying. Maybe he did. But Lane was exceptionally stubborn and prideful. So who knows?
Salvation At Death
This bring up a point I want to make regarding Torah, obedience and salvation.
Absolutely Yahuah gave us Torah so that we would know how to express worship to Him in ways that are meaningful to HIM. Obedience is worship, and as the Scriptures tell us, sin is simply disobedience. That’s something the Christians tend to reject out of hand, and to their detriment. But those who accept “Jesus” on their deathbed will certainly be accepted into heaven. Yahuah is merciful, and these death-bed conversions don’t give the newly saved any time to discover Torah. These folks will be “the least in the Kingdom of Heaven”.
But we who abide in Torah will be considered “great in the Kingdom of Heaven”. There are the great, the least, and everyone in between.
The thing to bear in mind is that Yahuah knows everything about us. He knows our heart, and although many Christians do love Jesus, most of them are under the deception that “grace” removes from them the responsibility to worship Yahuah as He prescribes. They deny His commands, claiming that the commands are “for the Jews only”.
Obviously, they do not study the Words because Yahuah Himself stated plainly that “there is ONE LAW for both the foreigner and the Hebrew.” He states that, if the foreigner wishes to worship Him, the foreigner must worship Him exactly as prescribed for the Hebrews.
Those Christians who choose to worship Him yet disobey the very God they claim to love so much will stand before Him in Heaven and accept His right ruling regarding their fate. If He is truly their “god”, they will seek Truth and walk in The Way, bringing me to my last point.
Abandoning The Christians
As some of you know, I have endeavored for a few years to attend a local Bible church and influence Torah obedience among the fellowship there. They are really nice, decent people, classically Christian in that they are quite friendly in the church building. Very chatty and ha ha ha ha at whatever is said in passing conversation.
This past Sun-day, I was in the big adult Sun-day school class, and we had a new teacher. He was official, hand-picked by the Pastor. He stood at the lectern with his marked-up and TABBED bible, teaching that Torah was for the Jews. He spoke of righteousness, faith and belief at length. I raised my hand at one point, fighting the desire to shout “BLASPHEMER” at him.
He recognized my hand and I asked him to define “Faith”. He defined faith as “belief”. So I asked him to define “belief”, and he responded that it is the same as “faith”. My head was starting to spin. I replied, rather loudly, a question: “Are you telling me that one word defines the other?”, and he relied “yes”.
I turned to the class and said “This teacher does not even know the meaning of the words he is talking about. ‘Faith’ requires actions, and those actions are fully described in Torah. ‘Belief’ is the faithful walk of the obedient. We are required to live out our faith by worshiping Yahuah according to HIS commands, which He declaeres are FOREVER.”
I’m getting wound up. My adrenaline is flowing.
“Also, Yahusha (I didn’t want to say ‘Yahusha’, because that confuses the Christians, but it popped out.) said Himself that IF we love Him, we will keep His commands, and THEN His Father in Heaven will love US, and THEN He (Yahusha) will manifest Himself within us.”
I followed that with the part about the foreigner being required by Yahuah to worship Him exactly as He prescribed to the Hebrews in the desert with Moshe.
That pretty much ended Sun-day School. There was a quick prayer and everyone split, except for one older fellow in a suit, wearing a big cross around his neck on a chain. He walked right up to my back and started telling me that I didn’t know what I was talking about.
I turned around, asked him his name (Len), shook his hand and said “It that the biggest cross you could find?”
I went out, sat in my customary seat beside the Pastor, and left immediately after the service. I’m done there. Listening to some teaching on the youtube channel “Triumph In Truth“, I heard a teaching on being unequally yoked as it applies to those who are Natasarim as they relate to the Christian church, and concluded that there is no way I can go back to that dead little body of the blind.
So don’t you go trying to put new wine into that old skin, brothers and sisters. The Christians will only hate you for your great faith. Your faith causes them to tremble and doubt. Just as the Pharisees had Shaul arrested for being “in a sect called The Way“, so will Christians ultimately turn on you when the Red Dragon comes.
They will never find the narrow path that leads unto Righteousness. They intentionally deny that path of righteousness, and live in the satanic deception that “Grace” frees them from the responsibility to believe God.
Yep, I could imagine how worked up you got….its called righteous anger. (And being frustrated by the lies) Its a journey that only the ruach guide one into. We cannot influence anyone into Torah obedience. I made that mistake 20 yrs ago. If they are not seeking, they will not be interested…. If they are not interested, they will not receive….. It hard not to cast pearls before those who will trample them underfoot.. Its only been these past 3 -4 years, that I have really learnt to keep my mouth shut. Now, I need to learn not to even mention the word ‘god’ in conversation with anyone, because of the times we are living in. Unfortunately, christianity has taken 7% of the bible (aka pauls letters – that are grossly mistranslated) and not only used these as their foundation, but turned it into their idol. So, yes, love them with a smile and walk away. I am trusting Yah that HE will bring those who are really seeking, those who are willing to receive… Read more »
Kate, my apologies for being so slow to reply. I have been very, very busy for the last two weeks and haven’t even opened the comments. Your comment is excellent, spot-on, full of wisdom and understanding. You are such a good sister and I love you so much. You are faithful, Kate. You walk in the Way, and you have a very special place in heaven. I cannot wait to find you there.
Absolutely Yahuah gave us Torah so that we would know how to express worship to Him in ways that are meaningful to HIM. Obedience is worship, and as the Scriptures tell us, sin is simply disobedience.
A fact of heart beautifully put forth by you dear brother Jerry.
Some mathematics of our Father for those suffering from a stubborn mind.
🙂
”My prayer was that Yahuah would let me be satisfied with whatever outcome came from it. My goal was to end this thing in a state of graceful gratitude, believing that His Will was done and that He loves me.”
Great blueprint for a new prayer of mine…I love your style of phrasing things tautly and elegantly.
Jerry, I find your attitude very condescending to Christians. As a Christian I enjoy the insight and education of the Old Testament that Messianic Jews have. I am half way through the Old Testament so I really need the help of those who really have that knowledge. Jesus (Yeshua or Yehusha) taught humility and kindness to others along with obedience to God. Your Sun-day school story came across as very arrogant and almost cruel. You humiliated the teacher in front of the class and even insulted the cross on his neck. You insult Christians and even said that your “friend” would end up the “least” in heaven. Has God told you this as a fact?? The preacher who praises himself has a congregation of one. Please use your knowledge to bring others up and come down off of your high horse.
April, I appreciate your comment and certainly your thoughts on this matter are welcome. I am not sure that I agree with your opinion that I ‘came across as arrogant and almost cruel’, because I remember that moment quite well. I was broken hearted that the Pastor or the Elders had installed yet another teacher who had no understanding of Truth, nor of the command of Yahuah that there is “one law for all”, and that His commands “are forever”. After years of fellowship and prayer and patience and love, I had finally had enough of the blind leading the blind, and enough of their refusal to even consider the possibility that we are called to obedience of the commands of Yahuah. The teacher, if humiliated, did so to himself, deigning to teach that which he did not understand. Many are called. Few are chosen. Before you go about correcting me and telling me what I should be doing, please download, print and study my Torah Notes. Also, consider reading my hypothesis that “Christianity” is… Read more »
Thank you for the reading material. I was not insulting your teaching, I was upset by the way you handled the situation and yourself. You maybe should have addressed this with the pastor who hired him in private. Humiliating him during class was a bad choice that not only belittled him, but it made you out to be Pharisee-esque in my opinion. Since you sit next to the pastor, this should have been easy enough. To your credit, you are correct about the law and our need to follow it. We have all fallen short of the law as a sinful people, but we must always be mindful of following it and asking for forgiveness. The churches are pretty sad right now. I am sorry to hear about your son’s attack. I also have a son. The schools have become cesspools of leftism and my heart breaks for the children of the world right now.
April, you assume to know more than you do regarding me and my decisions and actions. I am patient to a point, and then not. I will defend the Word with all my heart, and even if my defense of the Word and of Truth offends every living soul on earth, my Father will crown me for it. I do not seek the approval or favor of man, but of my Yahuah. He is my king. Most of all the rest will burn and many who presume themselves saved will discover too late that hell is their eternity.
Please be careful about telling anyone what you think they should have done. I didn’t ask you and no one else will, either.
Oh my dear Jerry, it is eloquence-writing like this one ”The teacher, if humiliated, did so to himself, deigning to teach that which he did not understand.”
with which you got me hooked strongly on pushing through my own filthy self-deception, again and again, towards the Truth of Torah!
So often -while reading your sharply honest words- I feel caught and need to humble, to repent my lazy old life when I was ‘happy’ engulfing myself in unrighteousness…
I still have a LOT to learn, to give up to Yahuah; your Torah notes are one of my main starting points.
Thank you, brother, for building me up. AND I learnt a fresh English verb, too:
to deign___to condescend reluctantly and with a strong sense of the affront to one’s superiority that is involved : STOOP
May our heavenly Father Yahuah bless you and your family abundantly, Jerry
See you soon.
Andreas
Thank you, Andreas. You were on my mind when I checked my mail, and there was your comment notification. Thank you for your kind words. I only wish I could match your own kindness. The world is about to blow up and everything we have known is going to be changed. When the great strike takes place Andreas, rejoice. Rejoice. Before we know it, you and I will toast one another with new wine. It will be good to close the book on mankind.
I’m listening to a band I used to listen to quite a bit. The band’s name is Enigma. Neat, new-age type music. Ethereal without being overly wispy. Good percussion. Comfortable. You listen to music much, dear brother?
Obviously through your described actions all over your website, you have proven to be capable of a far higher quality of kindness than most competent men I know of.
Just ask Yahuah to tell you how He thinks you are doing. I assume He will answer you quite quickely 😉
Regarding music, I like slow, relaxing instrumental music best. Ambient nature sounds with thunder & strong winds, snow storm or heavy rain also. Knowing you’re into movie soundtracks–> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_ey8xCbUD8
I listen to an 8 hour rainfall video most nights when I go to sleep. It’s awesome.
Oh my, Jerry…life has dealt you hard here lately. I’m so sorry about the divorce, but it sounds like it was meant to happen and it happened in peace. You and your ex may even be better friends now and have the pressure of a rocky marital relationship “off of” you. Your focus will no doubt be on your children. I am so very sorry about what happened to your son! Stories like that really break my heart. Do you have any idea why your son was targeted, specifically? I wonder if those boys who did this are in a gang of some sort. I pray he heals up quickly, but the emotional wounds may take a while to heal. I also feel bad that your longtime friend left this world in such a way and did not contact you at all. One can only hope for a death bed confession (a real one), but only the Lord knows. I do pray life gets better for you and your family. Oh, and your church situation,… Read more »
Thank you, Denise. You are a good friend.
Buckle up boys rough road ahead
Indeed. It’s going to be a Hollywood Blockbuster, for sure. And “Starting this summer!”